I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
