3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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