It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
