Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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