Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
