hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
