Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
