girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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