the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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