I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
