How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
