I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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