Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pappa wants mamma naked
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
