he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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