He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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