I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
