what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
