I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
