Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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