oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
