the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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