I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
