i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
