So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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