Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
