he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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