I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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