$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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