he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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