She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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