If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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