My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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