No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
