wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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