Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
