As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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