thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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