I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
