we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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