Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
