Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
