Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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