the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
