I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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