i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
