i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
