Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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