there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
