all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
