Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
