Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
