Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
