i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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