Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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