I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
